Every Time
“Every time I try to have a good time…” This is how someone I follow on IG started her caption under a picture in the rain at what was supposed to be Diner en Blanc DC. I totally felt her and commented telling her so. I was out there too and got completely soaked. When I think about the time, money, and preparation I put into that day I can only shake my head. (Now if you don’t know what Diner en Blanc is, I really don’t have the energy to explain it in its totality so you will have to google it. In short it is a pop-up picnic/white party. That’s an oversimplification, but again…look it up.) I couldn’t help but feel like my IG friend because sometimes it feels like every time I try to have a good time something happens. That feeling returned this week when I had to miss a CBC event that I’d been really looking forward to because there was a death in my family. Once again, every time I try to have a good time… I know that’s not a very positive view. It’s just accurate to how I feel from time to time. It’s like having that feeling that life is passing you by while you remain stuck. It’s feeling like you are plagued by an inability to create memorable moments.
I know it sounds dramatic, but sometimes it just feels that way. Last year I grabbed ahold of the realization that I alone am responsible for my own happiness. I came into the understanding that if I am going to have the experiences, excitement, and adventure that I want to have, then I can’t wait on anyone else. Since then I am realizing that taking responsibility for your own happiness is easier said than done. Sometimes even when you orchestrate the outing or decide to go by yourself, it is still a straight up fail. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe the point is stepping outside of your comfort zone, making the effort, taking the chance. I suppose at some point I will look back on my attempt to do Diner en Blanc as a commendable step in the right direction of creating more meaningful experiences. Right now, I'm just assessing how many items I can return to Amazon, Home Goods, etc. I am also thinking about and praying about what these things are supposed to teach me when they happen.
The saving grace was that I washed my rain-soaked dress that night and wore it the next day to a brunch cruise with some of my Sorors. It might not have been an epic moment, but we had a really good time and enjoyed each other’s company.
